1 Corinthians 7:25-40
“Are you married? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this…I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world- how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may love in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord…”
I honestly don’t think that it is our responsibility to seek a husband. It is our responsibility to seek first His kingdom and trust that all things will be added unto us (Matthew 6:33).
The Gift of Singleness is also the Gift of Preparedness in disguise. I have been pondering the woman of Proverbs 31 and more and more instead of trying to fantasize about my husband and what he will be like and praying for God to hurry up already and bring him to me because I have been so damn faithful (there has definitely been a time and place for that my friends), instead of all that, He has graciously turned me toward really beginning to love my future husband by having me pray preparation over myself. As a woman, instead of the outward action of seeking, I have been led to ask the Holy Spirit to do some intense preparation on my own heart and soul so that when the time does come, I will be ready.
Hadassah spent 12 months in preparation before getting her chance to meet the king and then consequently become Queen Esther. What could be worse than having the man of our dreams show up on his black stallion ready to sweep us off our feet but we don’t see him because we are wallowing in self-pity, struggling with bitterness that bleeds a horrible stench over us, or not self-controlled enough to wait for him? Or what if he doesn’t see our beauty because it’s clouded by all the baggage we haven’t taken the time to deal with? Granted nobody is ever going to be ready enough or perfect, but why not take advantage of the gift of singleness set before us to allow the Holy Spirit to make us even more wonderful than we already are so that we can give even more to our future spouse?
Ultimately living with the tension of the now and not yet in the area of relationships, being single and at the same time really desiring to be with a man and knowing, hoping that he is coming soon, doing this well all has to do with the issue of trust. The majority of my personal problems and my problems with God all come down to this issue…Trust. Is my perspective correct? Do I really believe what God says about me and my future and is He trustworthy to make all things comes to pass? If there is an intense desire in my heart to get married one day, can I trust that God will bring it to pass in His perfect timing if it is really His will? And can I be so secure in Him either way that I trust that He knows what is best for me regardless of the outcome? Do I really believe Him when He says He wants to do “immeasurably more than we ask or imagine (exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think)” in Ephesians 3:20? Do I believe Him when He says “There is no want (lack) to those who fear Him. The young lions lack and suffer hunger; But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing” in Psalms 34:9-10? Or when He says, “Trust in the Lord, and do good; Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass” in Psalms 37:3-5? These are some of the main verses that consistently have gotten me through times of desperation in desiring to be with someone. These truths I continue to hold on to for when that next wave of desperation comes so that I won’t be swept off my feet.
Today, I am convinced that “my God shall supply all of our needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:20). He is in love with us; let us invite the Holy Spirit to continue preparing us for when God’s perfect timing comes to pass. And in the meantime, let us enjoy this one and only chance to live a totally undivided heart towards the Lord!
To see another side of this issue that I wrote several years later, see Action Dating
3 comments:
With all due respect, there is no such thing as "the gift of singleness" (or the gift of marriage for that matter) in the Bible. These phrases come from an erroneous translation of 1 Cor 7:7 by the New Living Translation and they have both been removed.
Paul's verses about "do not look for a wife", were written in a specific historical context, and they are incomplete without verse 2526 (which you have left out):
"25Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. 26Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are."
He is speaking at a time when the early church was undergoing great persecution. We cannot assume that this was meant to be an admonishment for all time. Especially as we, in our present era of premarital sex and abortion now struggle with plummeting marriage and birth rates, even in the church.
Nowhere do the scriptures claim that God will bring you a spouse, if he so chooses. New Testament wording about singleness and marriage is *always* written in the language of human effort and volition. Just like food, if humans don't seek spouses, they will starve. And that's what's happening now, even among the most devout Christians -- we have an epidemic of protracted singleness.
There is nothing wrong with a woman actively seeking marriage, if a good and godly spouse is what she desires. Candice Watters, a Christian writer who works for Boundless.com (an ezine for young singles operated by Focus on the Family) encourages women to consider "Pulling a Ruth". She has recently come out with a book "Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help it Happen." I highly recommend it.
Hi Jen,
Many thanks for your prompt and very well thought out reply! And I do appreciate what you're saying about putting God first. But I think the matter of Christian women seeking a "spouse over God" isn't as critical as it's made out to be. It seems that too often, when single women in the church express a desire for marriage (perhaps with some worry as they rightly perceive the shortage of available men), they are admonished to be content or even warned about the possibility of "making marriage into an idol". As if these desires are somehow at odds with each other! Not to bash you over the head with more from Candice Watters, but she wrote an article on Boundless.com about this phenonemon titled "Marriage: An Idol?":
"But today there's an added reason women hide their desire for marriage. They've been told and retold that nurturing such a desire will not only scare men off, but worst of all, it may lead them to idolatry. I see and hear this warning a lot among Christians. It seems anytime someone writes or preaches about marriage to singles, they start with the caveat that wanting marriage is good "as long as you don't make an idol out of it."
"Can the desire for marriage really become an idol? It's technically possible. But that notion has been blown out of proportion. And repeatedly suggesting the possibility of idolatry has done more harm than good. It's caused a lot of women to be tepid in their approach to marriage and made them afraid that any amount of thinking or acting on their desire might be a sin. Both have the unfortunate consequence of making marriage even less likely to happen."
Anyways, it seems that teachings to singles in the church are currently under reform, and a big part of it is about rethinking the "gift of singleness", and other things that absorbed by church culture that really aren't all that biblical. All lot of what we accept as common wisdom about singleness has more to do with late 20th century trends -- it's so incidious and so ingrained that until now, there really hasn't been much questioning of them.
I posted a new article entitled "Action Dating: The Gift of the Season of Singleness Revisited." Would be great to hear more thoughts and dialogue on the subject as its a great subject to really wrestle with in finding God's heart in it. Thanks, Jen
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